What To Do As A Christian When My Husband Died
When my husband died, I was a Christian.
Underestimating the loss a widow feels.
You may not know that your friend is suffering greatly. She lets you in on some of what she’s going through, but there may be more that she is keeping to herself.
Your widow friend has lost her husband and his income, which means unless he had life insurance or other savings to cover things like the mortgage and bills, her income will decline as well. This can lead to financial stress in ways that many people don’t realize! If your widowed friend has children at home, they will also lose their father’s income—and since single moms already face a higher risk for poverty than single dads do, this puts them at even greater risk for financial hardship after his death. In addition to losing one’s spouse and partner in life (and all the benefits that come along with being married), being widowed means losing one’s home if it was owned jointly with his name on title–or if there is no other significant financial assets outside of one’s house or condo unit such as stocks/bonds/CDs etc.—many people don’t realize until they go through probate court just how little money they have saved up toward retirement age!
The greatest loss of all is spiritual.
The greatest loss of all is spiritual. The church is more than just a place to worship; it’s the family of God. We are all spiritual orphans without a father, and our husband/wife is supposed to be that father figure in our lives. It’s important for us to remember this when we feel abandoned by God or discouraged by our circumstances because it reminds us that there is still hope for us in Christ and he will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). While your husband may not be here physically with you anymore, he will always be spiritually with you through Christ Jesus!
As Christians we must understand what role each person plays within the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12-14) so that we can better understand how they relate to one another in marriage as well as ourselves personally. A husband serves as both the head of his wife (Eph 5:23) as well as an example for her (Ephesians 5:25). This means that if something happens to him then it impacts both parties directly since their roles are so intertwined together — especially when one dies unexpectedly like mine did!
Dealing with the empty house, bed and heart.
You need to fill the empty house, bed, and heart.
- A friend of mine kept her husband’s ashes in an urn on the mantle. She said it gave her comfort to have him close by and she could talk to him whenever she wanted to.
- Another friend has a picture of her husband on the wall near their bed (she said it made sex more intimate because they could share memories while making love).
- Still another friend said that while she would not want anyone else in bed with her (because even though he is gone), she sleeps better when his pillow is next to hers so that it feels like he’s still there for her when she gets up during the night.
Overcoming feelings of guilt and regret.
As a widow, you may feel like you’re not good enough. You may have moments of regret and guilt. It’s normal to have some regrets about the things that happened before your husband died and to question what more you could have done to keep him alive. But don’t let these feelings of guilt get in the way of moving forward with your life—forgiving yourself is essential for healing and moving on from this trauma.
You might be wondering how to forgive yourself when it seems impossible at first glance. The first step is realizing that God has already forgiven you for everything in your past, including any mistakes or wrongdoing that led up to your husband’s death. When Jesus died on the cross for all our sins (past sins included), he paid for them so we wouldn’t have to carry them around anymore! He wants us off those hooks! Put aside thoughts like “If only I hadn’t asked him not go camping this weekend…” or “If only I had taken my husband’s concerns more seriously…” These kinds of thoughts can be paralyzing, but they won’t change anything anyway! Instead, focus on what God says about his mercy toward us:
Struggling to feel close to God.
- You might feel like God isn’t there for you during this time.
- You may have a sense of God’s presence but it could be so overwhelming that it is difficult to maintain a relationship with Him.
- If you are struggling with overwhelming emotions and thoughts, know that God doesn’t want you to feel this way. He wants to be your comfort during grief.
Feeling guilty about wanting to date again.
If you’re a single woman and your husband died, chances are you feel guilty about wanting to date again.
It’s normal to mourn the loss of your husband, and it is natural that you would want companionship in your life again. However, many women worry that they are betraying their husband because they have feelings for another man or woman. If this has happened to you, don’t beat yourself up over it! God does not require us to be celibate as widows or widowers—he wants us to find happiness after our spouse dies.
Feeling guilty about moving on.
Many widows have trouble moving on because they feel that it is a betrayal of their husbands to be happy again. However, this isn’t true; your husband would want you to be happy and live your life. He would never want you to be miserable or lonely, so remind yourself of this often.
Widows really need your friendship and support.
Widows are often overwhelmed by the loss of their husbands and feel isolated, lonely and depressed. You can make a big difference to your widow friend if you reach out to her regularly. This doesn’t mean you have to be her best friend but it does mean that if you see her on the street or at church or anywhere, just say hello! Invite her over for lunch or dinner as often as possible and do things with her that she enjoys doing (theatre, concerts). If she is struggling financially offer to help out however little or much money is needed (couples ministry groups have been known to give widows money).
It may not seem like it, but you can make it through this difficult time. Just remember to be patient with yourself and take each day as it comes. There are many ways that God can help you get through your grief.