Christian Dating: What Can Christian Couples Do Before Marriage?

Let’s be honest, navigating the exciting (and sometimes confusing!) period of engagement as a Christian couple can bring up a lot of questions. One of the big ones? Physical and emotional intimacy before the wedding day. We all know the traditional Christian teachings about waiting for marriage, but where do you draw the line in the meantime?

The truth is, there’s a whole spectrum of what’s considered “acceptable” for unmarried couples. Think of it like baking a cake – there’s the basic recipe everyone knows, but then there are all sorts of delicious variations you can create depending on your taste. The key is understanding the core Christian principles of sexual ethics – respecting God’s design for intimacy and honoring your future spouse – and then setting clear boundaries that work for you as a couple.

By having open and honest conversations about your values and expectations, you can build a strong foundation of trust and respect that will serve you well not just on your wedding day, but throughout your entire marriage. Remember, this journey is unique to you and your partner, so don’t be afraid to have those conversations and create your own delicious (and Christ-centered) version of intimacy!

Key Takeaways

  1. Understand the foundations of Christian sexual ethics
  2. Engage in acceptable forms of physical affection like holding hands, hugging, and light kissing
  3. Communicate openly with your partner about boundaries, feelings, and concerns
  4. Avoid tempting situations that may lead to sexual activity
  5. Seek forgiveness and understanding if boundaries are crossed
  6. Redefine intimacy to include emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connections
  7. Nurture purity of heart, mind, and intention
  8. Renew commitment to each other and to God after mistakes
  9. Surround yourself with a supportive Christian community
  10. Explore emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy

Acceptable Behaviors

According to Christian teachings, unmarried couples should abstain from sexual intimacy, which is considered a sacred act reserved for the marital union (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). This doesn’t mean all forms of affection are off-limits.

Demonstrate Love with Boundaries

Think of physical touch like a garden. There are beautiful flowers (healthy expressions of love) you can enjoy freely. But there’s also a special section (sexual intimacy) that needs to be protected until the time is right. Holding hands, a quick hug, or even a sweet peck can show you care in a way that honors God and respects your commitment.

Open Communication is Key

Just like gardeners gotta talk to their plants (seriously, water them!), couples need to communicate openly (Proverbs 13:10). Talk about your comfort levels and boundaries. What feels good for you? What doesn’t? By setting clear guidelines and being upfront about your needs, you can avoid awkwardness and build trust.

Avoiding Temptation

Imagine strolling through a garden overflowing with juicy strawberries. It’s easy to get carried away, right? Similarly, some situations can be tempting for physical intimacy. Being alone in secluded places, spending nights together, or getting caught up in prolonged cuddling can make it tough to stay on track.

READ:  How to Say Merry Christmas in Australia

Creating a Supportive Environment

Just like a gardener might build a fence to protect their precious plants, couples can create an environment that supports their commitment. This could involve finding fun activities to enjoy together in public or having clear boundaries about hanging out alone.

Navigating Mistakes

Even the best plans go off the rails sometimes. If you and your boo crossed the physical line before marriage, it’s normal to feel like you swallowed a rotten apple (remember Adam and Eve? Genesis 3:6). But here’s the good news: Christianity is all about grace, forgiveness, and redemption (Romans 3:23-24). God isn’t holding a grudge! There’s always a way back to him. The key is to fess up about your mistake, seek some spiritual guidance, and remember how incredibly merciful he is.

Nobody’s Perfect: Weeding Out the Guilt

We all mess up – that’s kind of the human deal. Every garden has weeds, and every relationship has challenges (Romans 3:23). The important thing is to approach this situation with humility and a desire to grow together, both as a couple and in your faith (James 4:6).

Finding Your Master Gardener

Think of a Christian counselor as your relationship’s personal gardening guru. They can provide a safe space to sort through your feelings, seek forgiveness from God and each other, and set healthy boundaries for the future. They can also help you grow spiritually together and strengthen your commitment to your faith.

God’s Love: Bigger Than Your Mistakes

Remember, God’s love for you isn’t based on being perfect. It’s based on his never-ending love. By owning your mistake, seeking forgiveness, and recommitting to each other and to God, you can emerge from this experience stronger and even closer. After all, even a tree bent by a storm can grow straighter and more resilient than ever before.

Redefining Intimacy

True intimacy goes beyond just physical closeness. It’s like building a strong house – you need a solid foundation alongside the physical structure. This foundation is built through emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connections.

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is about sharing your true self, the good, the bad, and the quirky. Fears, dreams, embarrassing stories – it all goes on the table. Imagine two puzzle pieces perfectly clicking together. You reveal your vulnerabilities, your deepest desires, and your biggest fears, and your partner does the same. This creates a trusting connection, stronger than any storm life throws your way.

Remember, Proverbs 18:24 says: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Emotional intimacy lets you be that friend and confidant for your partner, a constant source of support through thick and thin. It’s like creating a cozy haven where you can shed your emotional armor and be completely yourself, accepted and loved.

READ:  Lessons from The Parable of The Barren Fig Tree

Intellectual intimacy

Intellectual intimacy is all about sparking conversations that fire up your brains. Discuss faith, life’s mysteries, your favorite philosophies, or even the challenges you face. Just like iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17), these talks can broaden your perspectives and lead to exciting discoveries together. Imagine you and your partner as explorers on a journey of knowledge, learning from each other’s experiences and growing smarter side-by-side.

Studying the Bible together is a fantastic way to explore intellectual intimacy. It’s a treasure chest overflowing with wisdom and endless topics for discussion. You can also check out lectures or workshops that pique your interest, or simply have friendly debates about current events or life’s big questions.

Spiritual Intimacy

For Christian couples, spiritual intimacy is the foundation of a strong marriage. Sharing a deep faith in God and a commitment to growing together spiritually creates a powerful bond. Think of your faith as the root system that nourishes your entire relationship. Strong spiritual roots provide stability and allow your love to blossom.

Deepen your spiritual connection by praying together, attending church services as a couple, and volunteering for causes you care about. Serving others strengthens your faith and lets you share the joy of giving back with your partner. It’s a beautiful way to grow closer to God and each other.

Staying Pure

Christian teachings weave purity into every thread of life, not just physical intimacy. Guarding your thoughts, engaging in uplifting conversations, ditching the gossip, and speaking words of encouragement – all these things strengthen the purity of a relationship.

Surrounding yourselves with people who share your values creates a support system for couples. This kind of community offers guidance, understanding, and keeps you accountable.

In a Christian relationship, purity goes beyond just physical touch. It’s about guarding your thoughts, words, and actions to make sure they align with God’s will. Couples should be mindful of the media they consume, the conversations they have, and the company they keep, because these things can influence how you think and behave.

Speaking words of affirmation and encouragement to each other is another way Christian couples can cultivate purity in their relationship. Ditch the gossip, criticism, and hurtful language. Instead, focus on building each other up. This creates an atmosphere of love, respect, and trust.

Having a supportive Christian community is also key to maintaining purity in a relationship. Being part of a small group, attending church regularly, and seeking guidance from more experienced Christian couples can provide accountability, wisdom, and encouragement. The Christian community can be a powerful resource for couples navigating the challenges of keeping their relationship pure.

Christian Marriage FAQs

What’s off-limits in a Christian marriage?

  • Sexual activity outside of marriage: The Bible emphasizes staying sexually pure and waiting for marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18, Hebrews 13:4).
  • Cheating: Having affairs breaks the marriage vows and goes against the Bible (Matthew 5:27-28, Hebrews 13:4).
  • Homosexuality: The Bible teaches intimacy is for a married man and woman, and other sexual activity is considered sinful (Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10).
  • Other sexual immorality: The Bible also condemns things like prostitution, pornography, and lust (1 Corinthians 6:18, Galatians 5:19-21).
READ:  4 Biblical Reasons for Divorce

Can Christians kiss before marriage?

Yes, kissing is okay. The Bible doesn’t forbid it, and it’s a form of affection that doesn’t always lead to arousal. But, it’s important to have boundaries and make sure kissing isn’t used to pressure someone into more (1 Corinthians 6:18, Hebrews 13:4).

How can Christian couples be intimate?

Christian couples can be close in many ways besides physically:

  • Emotionally sharing: Talking openly about feelings, fears, dreams, and goals helps couples connect deeply (Matthew 18:20, Hebrews 10:24-25).
  • Sharing ideas: Discussing faith, life, beliefs, and even challenges strengthens the intellectual bond (1 Corinthians 2:6-10, Colossians 3:1-4).
  • Spiritual connection: Praying together, going to church, and doing mission work as a couple can seriously strengthen the relationship (Matthew 18:20, Acts 2:42-47).

What should Christian couples do together?

Here are some activities Christian couples can do to build a stronger bond:

  • Bible study: Studying the Bible together can deepen understanding of faith and your partner (2 Timothy 2:15, Hebrews 4:12).
  • Prayer: Spending time praying together allows you to share concerns, hopes, and thanks with God as a team (Matthew 6:9-13, Philippians 4:6-7).
  • Mission work: Doing mission work together can deepen your spiritual bond and give you opportunities to serve (Matthew 28:18-20, Acts 1:8).
  • Church: Regularly attending church services together can provide a sense of community and support (Hebrews 10:24-25, Acts 2:42-47).

What should a Christian do and avoid before marriage?


  • Set boundaries: Talk openly with your partner about boundaries to ensure clarity and respect (1 Corinthians 6:18, Hebrews 13:4).
  • Seek guidance: Talk to a trusted spiritual leader or counselor about your feelings and plans (Matthew 18:20, Hebrews 13:17).
  • Focus on emotional/intellectual connection: Building strong emotional and intellectual connections strengthens your bond and prepares you for commitment (Matthew 18:20, Hebrews 10:24-25).


  • Sex outside of marriage: Avoid sexual activity outside of marriage, as it’s considered sinful and can damage the relationship (1 Corinthians 6:18, Hebrews 13:4).
  • Cheating: Don’t have affairs; they break the marriage vows (Matthew 5:27-28, Hebrews 13:4).
  • Other sexual immorality: Avoid things like prostitution, pornography, and lust (1 Corinthians 6:18, Galatians 5:19-21).


Christian couples can explore intimacy before marriage with greater ease. By considering broader definitions of intimacy and purity, embracing God’s grace and forgiveness, and seeking support from the Christian community, couples can build a solid, faith-based foundation for their future.

The key for Christian couples is to approach intimacy wisely, discerningly, and with a commitment to honoring God in their relationship. Setting clear boundaries, communicating openly, and seeking guidance from trusted spiritual leaders and the Christian community allows couples to navigate the complexities of intimacy before marriage with confidence and grace.

Leave a Comment